Colon Cancer. You are a real pain in my ass

Actually.  Not my ass but ironically my lower back and it may just not have anything whatsoever to do with cancer.  I f$#%ing hope not.  What the hell are you talking about, Dave?  Pain?  Lower back?  Wtf?!

Let me catch you up.

Back in the summer I began to notice a pain...more like a dull soreness in the middle of my lower left back.  At first I thought it was just related to packing and lifting boxes and furniture in the move out of our condo into a house in June / July.  I thought to myself...it's just a pulled muscle.  A strain.  A soft tissue injury.  Or maybe my body is just complaining that I had done some physical activity that it wasn't used to for a loooooonnnnnngggggg time. At least before the diagnosis and surgery.

But the pain didn't go away.

I started thinking to myself "am I imagining this?".  Should I tell Victoria?  Should I tell my doctors?  Surely they will just fluff it off as nothing major..stop worrying about little stuff like a little discomfort in my side.  Will my oncologist think I am just being paranoid, am seeking attention?  That I need to be sick and for doctors to be examining me, paying attention to every little sore I report in order to feel that I am being watched out for?  That I am not being lost?  That's ridiculous.

So I decided to report the discomfort to my oncologist during my follow-up routine exam in August.  And she took me seriously.  Essentially she said it was critical for me to listen to my body and that if I didn't feel something was quite right and that something like pain didn't go away for what should be a reasonable period of time then I should report it.  Noone knows my body better than I.  I need to stay vigilant.  She immediately sent me for a chest x-ray to rule out involvement with the lungs of my cancer.  (Remember they have been keeping an eye on lesions / abnormal cellular structures in multiple nodes in my lungs - they have been stable since last March at first diagnosis but definitely need to keep alert of these for any change.)


I had to explain to Victoria why my "routine" visit to the hospital was taking so much longer because I was being sent for tests like a chest x-ray.  This began a chain of worry.  "Why didn't you tell me that you were feeling pain, Dave?"  "Why are you being sent for a chest x-ray?"  "What the hell is going on here?".

Within a matter of minutes I went from a routine physical exam in my Oncologist's office to having a chest x-ray in the all-too-familiar Diagnostics Dept. at St. Joseph's Health Centre.   Just a few hours later I got a phone call from the Oncology clinic at St. Josephs.  Chest x-ray is clear.  Nothing to worry about... at least not for most...but the fact that the chest x-ray came back clear didn't negate the fact that I was still experiencing discomfort when I shouldn't be.  Or was it all in my mind?  Was I imagining this shit?

When I met with my family doctor a few weeks later I reported it to her as well.  She listened too. And that afternoon  I was sent for another chest x-ray but this time with special instructions to take pictures from the side as well.  And she sent me for a nuclear bone scan - a first for me.  What a test that was from going to the hospital and being injected with a radioactive substance...leaving for home to "chill" for a couple of hours...only to return and lay in a machine for what seemed like hours listening to the steady hum of the machines in the room.  I actually fell asleep in the bone scan machine.

Later that day I got a phone call from my family doctor.  (Who has a doctor that calls them at home?!)  The chest x-ray and the bone scan were both clear.  Breathe, David.  No spread of cancer to the bones.  No lung metastases.  Relax for a bit if you can.

And later that evening when I blew a kiss to my son (you see...with the bone scan I was radioactive to his little body so I couldn't snuggle him, to hold him in my arms and kiss him as I wanted to do.  Just to be safe.) I thought to myself that I did the right thing by telling my doctors.  I didn't mean to send Victoria into a spiral of worry and anxiety again but I needed to listen to my body.  I couldn't help thinking that if I had listened more closely to my body a couple of years ago when I first started having bowel issues that maybe things would be different.  Maybe the tumour in my sigmoid colon wouldn't have advanced so far. Maybe it wouldn't have spread its cancerous hell into the regional lymph nodes - forever sending fears that it has spread to other organs remote from the colon.  But the stark reality is that we will never know.

I would much rather err on the side of caution now and be overly sensitive to every pain, to every discomfort, to everything in my body that just doesn't quite seem right than to just fluff it off as nothing to worry about...until it is too late to do anything about it.

A shout out to my doctors for listening to me.  For not sitting on this.  For ruling out the worst.  For being in my corner as I continue to fight and battle and kick the crap out of colon cancer.

Thank you, Doctor.  You are a very important member of the Kicking the Crap Crew.

The Kicking the Crap Crew Kicked it...Old School

It has been a long time from my last post and there has been a lot of water under the bridge...some wonderful highs, some terrifying moments and lowest of lows...so much to communicate...where to begin...let's start with the Bum Run.

When last I posted I was just a few weeks away from the 2nd Annual Bum Run for colon cancer.  The Kicking the Crap Crew once again came together on a beautifully sunny, warm Sunday in August in downtown Toronto with a few new members and regrets for some from the previous year who could not join us all with the single-minded focus to raise money, awareness, to show support for those who, like me, are battling with colon cancer or have lost the fight.  Friends and family joined hundreds of others enthusiastic runners on that Sunday in August and man did we represent.  It absolutely thrills me to report that the Kicking the Crap Crew raised over $8000 for colorectal cancer research - and smashed our fundraising goal in the process - which represented approx. 14% of the total online funds raised.   The Kicking the Crap Crew - or The Crew, KTCC - represented, yo!!!.   The Crew was the #1 fundraising team in the whole event and drew the attention of the founder, Dr. Bookman, the Event organizers and Colon Cancer Canada as they tweeted out our results regularly to spur others on.  Way to go, Crew.  As Team Captain I am so humbly proud of you all.  As a colon cancer patient and battler I am moved, touched and so entirely grateful for all of your support.

On a personal note I myself am thrilled to report that I was honoured to have 66 people sponsor me for this year's Bum Run and raised over $4800 for colon cancer research and education / awareness. This total represented the second highest individual fundraising total behind Darlene...and I could not be happier to be in this position.  You see, I had the honour of meeting Darlene after the run while waiting to record a patient video by request of the event organizers.  Darlene was running for her late sister who had lost the battle to this f$$%^ng awful brutal disease.  When I introduced myself to her she immediately recognized who I was...whether through reading my personal web page on the Bum Run site or by way of my blog...it really doesn't matter.  I hugged her and thanked her personally for raising so much for the battle and expressed my sorrows for the loss of her sister.  We shared tears.  A shout out to you, Darlene.

This year was so different from last year.  Last year I was in mid-chemo treatments and my energy level along with physical health was not great.  It was all I could muster to simply walk beside my very pregnant wife Victoria as we both pulled up the rear of the event - with Toronto police officers escorting us around the run route and event organizers picking up the orange pylons behind us.  This year I am blessed to have been healthy enough to not only walk the event but even ran (ok - jogged is more like it) for some stretches of the 5 kilometre route.  In fact, I crossed the finish line jogging while pushing the stroller which held my sleeping son, Benjamin.  It is impossible to articulate just how I felt emotionally as I crossed the line while pushing my son.  It wasn't about the accomplishment of the physical feat of running but rather the fact that I was healthy enough this year to jog across the finish line.

There will be a third annual Bum Run in 2014.  I am healthy and determined to represent the Kicking the Crap Crew once again and do even more to raise funds and get out the word about colon cancer.  After all, we all share the same goal - to kick the crap out of colon cancer once and for all.

Still Kickin' it

Hello again to all who stop and read...thought I would give an update on the upcoming Bum Run with funds raised going towards colon cancer education, screening efforts and patient advocacy.  It is just under 3 weeks to go before the 2nd Annual Bum Run Sunday August 25th, and the Crew is at 75% of our fundraising goal and I am at an amazing 86% of my personal goal for this so very personal event.   



For that I wish to give everyone who has sponsored me (or a member of the Crew) a huge shout out of thanks.  I continue to be humbled, overwhelmed and inspired by all the messages of support and by the sponsors for the Bum Run. 

THANK YOU!!!

I don't want to turn this blog into a plug or appeal for sponsors but with everything I have endured this past year in this battle with cancer, watching friends and loved ones lose their battle with this brutal illness, I have come to the perspective that I will do everything I can to support the cause in the fight against (colon) cancer whether it be taking care of my own health or supporting the Canadian Cancer Society as a patient ambassador.  

So for those that wish to sponsor me or a member of the Crew and help me beat our fundraising goals, please click the link http://my.myccc.ca/Kickingthecrapcrew?SID=3805246&LangPref=en-CA

I appreciate that charity is a very personal choice.  If you choose to sponsor me or a member of the KTCC in the 2013 Bum Run for colon cancer Thank You! Perhaps more importantly thank you for being an honourary member of the Kicking the Crap Crew!!

This past weekend at the family cottage I even ran - twice - for the first time since before the surgery and chemotherapy.  The runs were only about 2km ea. and I guess I shouldn't be shocked at how completely out of shape I am now...after all...the surgery, chemo, Neupogen injections, all took a heavy heavy toll on my body.  But it felt sooooooooo good to put the ol' running shoes on, turn up the volume on my iPod and lose myself in the same mix I had setup for the half marathon I ran three years ago.  I haven't been formally training for this event but have been kept busy by a very active eight-month old boy - my son Benjamin.  He keeps me inspired to battle this brutal illness and along with my rock of a wife, Victoria, also keeps me focused on what is really important in life.  And quite honestly I am inspired (and want to give a shout out) to my sister, Jodie who is training for a half marathon - after giving birth to three (beautiful) girls and the toll it took on her body.  Hell when I watch her get up at the cottage where she is supposed to be enjoying her holidays and relaxing in the serenity of life up north and before having breakfast go out and run for 16km I figure I can do a measly two ;-)  Way to go, Jod.  You continue to make me shake my head in awe.

When I reflect personally on last year at this time while in chemotherapy treatment I remember barely having the physical stamina to walk the 5k much less run it - this year I am feeling so much stronger...I may even beat my last-place finish from last year ;-)    

Wishing you all good health.

Kicking it old school...

This post is a shout out...to you...my supporters...my inner circle...and honourary members of the Kicking the Crap Crew.  Once again this year I have entered a team, The Kicking the Crap Crew, in the 2nd Annual Bum Run to raise funds for Colon Cancer Canada....a cause that is obviously very close to my heart and my butt.   So once again I lovingly appeal to you to get off your butts and support me or a member of the Crew in the Bum Run...

http://my.myccc.ca/Kickingthecrapcrew?SID=3805246&LangPref=en-CA

If you are reading my blog and this post you know about my journey. After diagnosis with Stage III colon cancer last March 2012, I underwent urgent resection surgery and then began a 12-cycle course of chemotherapy over the next seven months. For the past year, I have been a colon cancer patient, battler, blogger, and vocal patient advocate. I began blogging (davidbenjaminbrown.blogspot.ca) shortly after diagnosis and have shared my experience of life with colon cancer. Frankly as I look back over the past year it is overwhelming.

And that is why I am running (ok maybe walking briskly) in the Bum Run to help raise awareness of colorectal cancer and to stress the importance of screening and prevention. It doesn’t get much more personal than this. I also am walking for Barb - a friend, former colleague and fellow battler who recently succumbed in the fight against a rare GI cancer.  Barb inspired me in life with her strength and courage and continues to inspire me now.  I also walk for all those battlers present and who have passed but are present in spirit. The world and I have lost fellow battlers along the way...but I know their spirit lives on and inspires me to keep fighting the fight.

When I reflect on my journey a year ago I think about being in treatment last year at this time, about barely having the energy (much less the hair) to walk much less run in the event.  But what an emotional day - I blogged about it so I won't repeat myself...but a year later things are very different - so much has happened in my life - so much to fight for, to stay strong and battle, to be as positive as I can possibly be. 

I would graciously welcome any support of me or a member of the Crew by making a secure online donation clicking the link http://my.myccc.ca/Kickingthecrapcrew?SID=3805246&LangPref=en-CA

This year I am determined to lead the Kicking the Crap Crew to be highest fundraising team total in the event.  I appreciate that charity and donations are a very personal choice.  If you choose to sponsor me in the 2013 Bum Run for colon cancer Thank You.  Perhaps more importantly thank you for being an honorary member of the Kicking the Crap Crew!!

David

To Barb...Hello Darlin'

On June 13, 2013 Barb James (aka Barbie to many, BJ to me) lost her battle with small bowel cancer and on June 21 back in her hometown of Saskatoon she was memorialized by family and friends.
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/thestarphoenix/obituary.aspx?n=barbara-james&pid=165411904&fhid=6664


When I first heard of Barb's passing (on Facebook of all places) I was overwhelmed with grief...sadness...and fear...and despair.  I remember thinking to myself as I logged on to Facebook that Saturday that I hadn't seen Barb post for awhile...remembered her last post in early May where she shouted out to her industry colleagues at Bayer for help to get access to a possible treatment to hopefully extend her life...but nothing since then.  I had read in Barb's recent posts the extreme despair - you could hear it in her "voice".  But Barb always tempered her posts with  absolute strength and courage in the face of it all...and maintained her sense of humour in spite of it. How the hell she did that I will never know...but damn if she didn't show everyone how to face such brutal adversity with strength and courage. In my mind her blog has always been so fittingly titled Bring It On&nbsp http://www.barb-james.blogspot.ca/ .  I continue to this day be in awe.

Those of you reading this post and who have followed my own journey may have seen my references to Barb throughout.  In fact, I give a huge shout out to BJ in my bio...she inspired me to share my own very personal journey in such a public way and to BE exactly how I want to BE...whether that is scared as shit, sad, furious, sick, overjoyed, happy, **INSERT STATE OF BEING HERE**...it doesn't matter.  Seeing Barb's journey taught me as a battler of cancer that it is perfectly OK to BE in ANY state of being.  That in expressing raw, authentic, genuine, deep-felt emotions about having to be on this f$%^ing journey that it's ok to feel weak, to feel despair, to feel the most intense sense of anger and woe that you just want to shout "WHY ME?!!!! WHY THE F#$% ME?!!!  THIS ISN'T FAIR  THIS IS NOT F@#$ING FAIR!!!!!!".  And that's OK too. But Barb's passing also strikes at the very heart of my deepest darkest fears for my own personal journey...and I just cannot go there.  I cannot.  Barb showed me that sharing the journey with all it's highs and terrifying lows (many times the lows overwhelm any highs) inspires others...makes us stronger and better for it....serves as our own personal therapy.

Barb inspired me in her life and continues to inspire me as one of God's angels.

It is easy to see that Barb had such a positive impact on sooooo many people's lives.

Rest in eternal peace, Barb.  No more battling for you, no more sickness, no more pain.

Those of us you leave behind here will fight the fight in your memory, BJ.  You may be small in stature but your spirit leaves a heavy footprint.

An Aspirin a day keeps the colon cancer away

Folks it's been a few weeks since my last post and I thought I would just check in, submit a posting to let all of you know that I am still fighting the good fight, and give an update on my status.

I continue to adhere to a pretty clean diet - not perfect...but really trying to keep as balanced and healthy as I can while not completely sacrificing enjoyment out of life...and food.  Since my one-year post diagnosis surveillance tests last month and my meetings with my medical team - my GI, my Surgeon, my Oncologist - I have tried to lighten up just a little bit and enjoy the occasional indulgence...potato chips at the cottage, red wine wherever.  I still remember the words of my Surgeon at our last meeting.."have a steak and a beer".  After all, "if having the occasional steak and beer was to cause a recurrence of my cancer then we all have bigger fish to fry".  Essentially I was being told to live a little, that while a healthy diet and lifestyle are important for overall health it is important to not become so restrictive with the thoughts that my cancer can be defeated or kept at bay by what foods I ingest or a specific supplement I am taking.  Easier said than done I can tell you but with my specialists encouraging me to relax a bit and enjoy life's indulgences it has helped me to stop and focus on achieving overall balance and nutrition and not obsess.

I continue to take the supplements I have written about previously as part of a daily regimen...ritual if you will.  My daily ritual includes lemon water with Vitamin D, a probiotic, Vitamin C powder, Greens and Reds powder, with Curcumin (1000mg X 4 times a day).  I consume a tablespoon of Coconut oil twice daily.

But I have added daily aspirin therapy (2 X 325mg) along with a proton-pump inhibitor (PPI) to minimize the gastric injury from the use of the aspirin.  Aspirin you may be asking?  You may have heard about its use for heart benefits particularly for those at increased risk to cardiac events but for cancer prevention / recurrence mitigation?  Really?

Actually there is some building evidence that suggests that daily aspirin may reduce the risk of recurrence of colon cancer for those at medium to high risk of recurrence - and that's me.  The evidence isn't entirely convincing and no conclusive (Phase III) trial, (randomized, double-blind, placebo controlled and all that jargon) has concluded that there is statistically significant evidence that daily aspirin reduces risk of recurrence.  And if so at what dose?  And for all tumour types or only those with specific tumour/gene types?  Daily or every other day?  And how would we determine that indeed it was the aspirin therapy that was to "blame" for the reduction in recurrence of colorectal?

Just a simple Google search for aspirin and colon cancer recurrence returns a plethora of results that suggest that there may be something beneficial here...

http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials/results/summary/2002/aspirin0402
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120409164525.htm
http://www.rxpgnews.com/coloncancer/Aspirin_May_Reduce_Risk_of_Colon_Cancer_Recurrence_1480_1480.shtml
http://www.docguide.com/aspirin-may-prevent-colon-cancer-recurrence-presented-asco
http://www.medpagetoday.com/Gastroenterology/ColonCancer/15480

Readers may recall that as recently as last year the media picked up on some promising research that suggested an aspirin a day could help prevent cancer making its way into the pages of the New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/21/health/research/studies-link-aspirin-daily-use-to-reduced-cancer-risk.html?_r=0





I was in treatment when I heard of this "news" and immediately discussed with my Oncologist and medical team in the Clinic.  At that time we decided to defer until  some time after chemotherapy, to allow my body to recover from the drug therapy, to return to somewhat "normal", to have my GI system heal.  But with the passing of these months since the end of chemo and the distressing news of fellow colon cancer battlers who have not had the same positive news after surveillance tests as I had received, I returned to my mantra - that I would do whatever it takes to improve my prognosis, to increase my odds of survival...even if by just a few %.  During my meeting with my Oncologist I pushed for initiating the aspirin therapy.  And f$%^ the risk of gastric injury!!! - I will mitigate it as much as I can with the PPI and the healthy diet and probiotics...When faced with a decision between possible lower risk of cancer recurrence vs. increased risk of gastric bleeding / injury - it's not much  of a decision actually.  To steal the battle cry from a good friend and fellow battler Barb - Bring it on!!!

Quite frankly...although there is no convincing evidence...no one Trial or Study that we can point to that proves that aspirin is proven to significantly reduce the risk for recurrence of colon cancer, if it possibly could offer benefit, if it could reduce the risk of recurrence, if it does reduce the risk of metastases, if it could possibly help me KICK the CRAP out of COLON CANCER then I gladly add it to my regimen.

So the daily ritual now includes two aspirin.  And heck...I am reducing my risk of heart attack at the same time.

 

Victoria

One year ago today Victoria did me the absolutely amazingly wonderful honour of being my wife.

What a year it has been so full of dizzying highs, terrible lows, butterflies in the stomach from the excitement of love, and distress in the stomach from treatment, tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.  Through all the ups and downs, the hills and valleys of this past year there has been one thing that has been unwavering and consistent on this continuum of life...and that is that regardless of how unstable I have been...whenever I found myself beginning to wallow in the despair of it all...when my faith was shaken....

Victoria propped me up, brought me balance, sanity, peace, laughter and always love....always with a smile...

Words on a blog cannot express how lucky I feel to have met this wonderful amazing woman...I continue to be a little in awe of her...

Thank you, Victoria for being you.
Thank you for loving me.  
Thank you for marrying me.

Happy 1st Anniversary Victoria.

And hey....even the Kinks think Victoria is pretty darn special...

Lyrics | Kinks lyrics - Victoria lyrics

A tribute to Paul

This blog post is (believe it or not) one of the toughest ones I have written for all of the emotions that has me up at 3 am to express them.  Ironically it is also one of the easiest as the words are flowing fast and furious.   Perhaps it is because I was so shaken to hear earlier this week of the passing of Paul Rutulis to multiple myeloma at the age of 52.  Perhaps it is because he leaves behind a wife, Cara, and two sons, Troy and Marco, and a wonderful circle of loving family and friends.  Perhaps it is because I know Paul and his family and have shared a laugh or two with them over the years...not as many in the recent years as we both have battled that awful brutal disease - cancer. Perhaps because I feel that cancer battlers belong to one large community of intimate strangers (if that makes any sense), with shared experiences, shared fears, shared memories and sub-consciously always considered Paul and I to be informally "in the club".  Perhaps it is because I am wracked with so many different emotions at hearing the news of Paul's passing - from profound sadness and grief...to shock, anger and despair.  Perhaps it is because I almost have a feeling of guilt that in my own personal battle with cancer I recently received some positive news from my doctors just last week that after one year...one long brutal year...I am cancer free...while Paul unfortunately succumbed in his battle.

But I check myself at feeling guilty for being healthy enough today to write this post in memory of, in tribute to and in honour of Paul.  You see I can express through my post words and feelings that are perhaps shared by Paul's family and friends.   I won't be so arrogant as to for one second pretend that I know how his loving wife and adoring sons must be feeling.  I won't be so arrogant as to for one second pretend that I know how his family circle, his extended family, his circle of friends is feeling.  What I do know is this.  I know how I am feeling.   I am stunned.  I am so deeply saddened that the second I read the message from my friend (and Paul's brother-in-law) about his passing that I shouted inexplicably to my wife that "Paul has died" and immediately began to lose it, to be gripped with despair, to cry for him, for Cara, for the boys, for his family. I know Paul was gravely ill but I wasn't aware that the battle with mm had advanced to that stage.  Craig subsequently shared with me that his passing this week was sudden and followed the latest prognosis from his medical team just a week or so ago suggesting he had perhaps 8 to 12 months left.  And then I got in touch with some really dark stuff - my own darkest fears in my own journey.  I am angry that cancer has taken another life way too early.  I am so deeply pained that his boys have lost their father at such an early age with so many memories that will never be realized.  Perhaps I am getting into touch with my deep fear for my own wife and young son.

I honestly don't know Paul that intimately or well.  My connection to him and to Cara and the boys is through Cara's sister, Erica, and her husband and one of my oldest dearest friends Craig.  I have known Paul and his family for almost 10 years, been a part of a few birthday celebrations and dinners.  I have always known Paul to be on the quieter side...more reserved...but perhaps that is simply because in the context of the gatherings with myself, Erica, Cara, Craig and others he was simply the quietest by comparison.  I may not know Paul well enough to recount stories and intimate memories of times past.  I could never write in memoriam for Paul outside of this blog.  But I hope that all of you who read this post join me in putting Cara and the boys, along with Paul's family and friends in your hearts and pray that they find comfort and peace in the days ahead amidst all the pain and grief.

http://www.lifenews.ca/announcement/2524043-rutulis-paul-mark

http://mountpleasantgroup.permavita.com/siteContent/memorial.html?personId=236102&source=redirect


Damn you cancer.  Damn you for taking another life way too early.  Damn you for leaving nothing but pain and suffering behind.

God bless you, Paul.

And Round Two goes to....

Thursday April 4.  A big day.  A day that I have been thinking about for the weeks (if not months) since the appointments were scheduled.  A day that I have been not only just thinking about but worrying about...agonizing waiting.  You see April 4 is the day that I met with both my Surgeon, Dr. Hart, and my Oncologist, Dr. Lingas, to go over the results of my one-year surveillance tests - colonoscopy, CEA blood test, and CT scan.  

If you remember from previous posts, the gastro who had both originally found the tumour last March and performed the one-year post diagnosis colonoscopy had found two polyps a few weeks ago.  Sure, he suggested that they appeared to be benign and that the rest of my colon looked good but I was still worried.  But even more than the colonoscopy, the CT scan was worrying the sh#$ out of me (trust me - no pun intended).  Remember back in September the CT scan was monitoring lesions in my lungs and a spot on my liver.  Back then the words "no convincing evidence of metastasis" caused a sigh of relief then...but it's always a temporary relief.  The fact that they found spots of concern in my lungs and on my liver in March that they were monitoring in September was a source of worry.  I didn't know I had these lesions that they are surveilling.

I don't know if I will ever...even months, years, decades from now...stop worrying.  I would imagine that worry is now on a continuum for me...some days more intense...some days perhaps not...but always somewhere in the subconscious there.  Stage IIIB - invasion of the tumour beyond the colon walls into the regional lymph nodes.  How can I not worry?!  Sure the polyps might look benign...but I need to know conclusively, definitively, that they are benign, that they are non-cancerous, that they are nothing for me to add to my list of things to worry about where my cancer is concerned. 

And the good news...no great news is that I got the ALL CLEAR from both doctors.  

I) CEA levels normal

II) polyps removed last month were benign - hyperplastic polyps that would not develop into cancer

iii) CT scan showed lesions in lungs and liver are unchanged.   As it turns out this is actually better news that if they had shown that these lesions had decreased in size.  Why? This would suggest that they were more than simply benign lesions and that they had reacted to the chemotherapy...not good.

iv) Dr. Hart supports Dr. Springer's suggestion that I need not be scoped again for two years.

So the reality of this news sunk into Victoria and I later in the day on Thursday.  If you think about it, I don't think that the news could have been any more positive than it was.

Next surveillance is CEA in 3 months, CT in 6 months.

But for now....it's time to relax a bit and LIVE A LITTLE!!!  Or as one of my dear friends suggested  LIVE A LOT!!!

So at the end of Round Two the judges scorecard reads Brown 2 / Colon Cancer 0.  I am sitting in my corner with the towel wrapped around my neck.  My coaching staff is wiping the sweat off my brow and I am spitting vigorously into a bucket - after all, kicking the crap out of colon cancer is hard work. 

Insert soundtrack to Rocky here.

Out out darn spot

Just a quick update to all of you since I realize that the last post was pre-colonoscopy more than a week ago and you may be wondering how it all turned out.  

Good news and bad news.  Which do you want first?  Let's tackle the bad news right up front first.  The bad news is that they found two polyps during the scope. I unfortunately was so drowsy from the sedative that although I was watching the procedure (or at least parts of it) on the video screen whilst laying on the table I wasn't coherent enough to ask Dr. Springer if these polyps were new since last March or could they have been in there and he couldn't manoeuver the scope to that area of the colon last March when he found my original tumour as it was blocking the upper part of the colon.   I will have the opportunity to ask Dr. Springer when I consult with him in a couple of weeks to discuss the scope.


And now for the good news...and let's really focus on that.  He / they removed the two polyps.  Good-bye!!!! See ya!  Didn't want you around anyway.  Damn polyps.  And even more encouraging is that Dr. Springer and the attending nurse both said to me after the procedure that they didn't look troublesome, rather benign actually, and that the rest of my colon looks pretty good.  Awwww shucks.  I guess all that purging the days beforehand  really made my large intestine look good.

I've said it more than once...and I will say it again.  They can remove 13cm of my bowel but they cannot remove my wit and sense of humour ;-)

And as you may recall I am working with the Canadian Cancer Society to get the message out...get screened...get informed...stick it to colon cancer.   Especially to all my friends 50 and over, @cancersociety is reminding you get checked this #ColonCancer awareness month! http://bit.ly/W8x9L4

Make your bottom your top priority. Talk to your doctor about getting checked for colon cancer every two years, once you turn 50. Getting checked for colon cancer could be as easy as taking an at-home stool test (also known as the fecal occult blood test – FOBT). 

If you’re at high risk for colon cancer, talk to your doctor about other colon cancer screening options. High-risk individuals include those with a first-degree relative (parent, sibling or child) with colon cancer and other factors such as inflammatory bowel disease (ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s disease). Visit stickittocoloncancer.ca for a list of some of the risk factors.

What good is purging without the binging?!!!

So here we go....just a little under 24 hours away from my colonoscopy. Tomorrow's colonoscopy is almost a year to the day from the original scope which found the tumour in my sigmoid colon...the colonoscopy that changed my life forever.

My day started off with taking 2 Ducolax tablets, a laxative, to "get things moving".  No solid foods for me today.  Lots and lots of clear fluids, broths, water, teas, lemon juice without the pulp, jello (yellow and green only - no reds or purples!).    Just recently I downed my first glass (of two) of Pico Salax which is no gentle laxative...it's a purgative...and man are things percolating away down there...foreboding of things to happen very shortly.  Sorry to be graphic but those of you that have had a colonoscopy or know about the prep in advance may agree with me that the prep is much more trying than the actual procedure itself.  I will repeat the purgative at 8pm this evening - again with no food, no solids, no pulp, no dairy (not that I consume dairy anyway).  And if you have my previous posts you will remember that I love to eat...regardless of how cleaned up my diet is I still love to eat FOOD.  Solid food.  So this is what's on the menu today...

I am cranky.  I am hungry.  I am visiting the bathroom regularly today....feeling "crappy" and I am trying hard not to think about the colonoscopy tomorrow...I try and focus on the hope that the conversation with Dr. Springer will be very different this year than last.  In fact, Victoria and I talked about how we are looking forward to being able to thank Dr. Springer tomorrow for everything he did last March when he heard our cries, saw our faces and the horror and despair we poured out on him at the clinic when he told us the news.  Dr. Springer was instrumental in contacting his colleague and surgeon, Dr. Richard Hart, that same day and relayed our story.  That I needed urgent bowel surgery to remove a large obstructing tumour and that we were getting married in 5 weeks.  Dr. Springer, I never got to thank you.  Tomorrow I will.  Regardless of the results of tomorrow's scope I will thank you for acting with such compassion and urgency.

After tomorrow it's the CT scan and then the CEA bloodwork.  Coming into Round Two in the match.  I am in my proverbial corner with the towel wrapped around my head...somewhere in the distance I swear I hear Gonna Fly Now (the theme from Rocky) playing.  Ready to come out swinging.  Ready to lay a beating on colon cancer.  Ready to keep up the fight and kick the crap out of it.

I know it's crappy...butt get screened!

The timing of this blog post is not coincidental nor accidental in any way. You see...recently I was contacted by the Canadian Cancer Society who found my blog out in the websphere and have inquired if I would be willing to engage with them to promote their campaign Stick it to Colon Cancer.  March is Colon Cancer Awareness month.  Of course my answer was an emphatic "Butt, of course!!!" 


 I am so very engaged with this cause for obviously very personal reasons.  My blog has been my private yet ironically very public journal...my story...my journey.  And now I hope to use it as a platform to get the message out...to appeal to all of you who have followed me on this journey...to make your bottom your top priority...to really stick it to colon cancer...no "butts" about it....or for fear of repeating myself - kick the crap out of it.

Colon cancer is the number two cancer killer, yet it is 90% treatable when caught early.

Getting checked can help find colon cancer early, or even prevent it from happening before it starts. This is why it is so important to check for the disease before you have symptoms.

In 2012, an estimated 8,700 Ontarians were diagnosed with colon cancer and approximately 3,450 people died from the disease. In comparison, the only other type of cancer that claims more lives is lung cancer. 

Make your bottom your top priority. Talk to your doctor about getting checked for colon cancer every two years, once you turn 50. 

Getting checked for colon cancer could be as easy as taking an at-home stool test (also known as the fecal occult blood test – FOBT). 

If you’re at high risk for colon cancer, talk to your doctor about other colon cancer screening options.

High-risk individuals include those with a first-degree relative (parent, sibling or child) with colon cancer and other factors such as inflammatory bowel disease (ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s disease). Visit stickittocoloncancer.ca for a list of some of the risk factors.

Get the bottom line about colon cancer at stickittocoloncancer.ca. Download a tip sheet with questions to ask your doctor or send a free e-card to friends and family to remind them to get checked for colon cancer.

Spread the word with your family and friends about the importance of getting checked for colon cancer.

Just when you thought you were eating "healthy"

First a disclaimer if you will.  I don't for one second pretend to be an expert on the subject of GMOs (genetically modified organisms), food, organic versus conventionally raised food, "healthy" "safe" foods versus unhealthy or unsafe foods.  I don't want to sound preachy here or like I am standing on a soapbox.  I would rather invoke (not provoke) thought, discussion and perhaps even thoughtful discussion about this whole topic of food, of GMOs, of organic versus conventional agriculture. This topic of food and particularly GMOs has become increasingly more significant to me in light of my battle with colon cancer at such a young age.  I have incessantly (and perhaps even obsessively) questioned if my diet, the food and drink that I consumed in my life caused my colon cancer?  Were there are environmental factors such as pesticides, insecticides, GMOs that were part of the cause?  I will never know...but just want to put this post into some context. Where GMOs are concerned, I would suggest that we just don't know what the impacts are to our human bodies and it is worth at least discussion and open dialogue.  

There is a video entitled Genetic Roulette http://vimeo.com/53995182 that is, in my opinion, intensely thought provoking, and hopefully discussion-provoking.  At the end of the day, do we definitively know that the food that we consume especially the food that is genetically engineered or genetically modified, is safe to our human bodies?  And if the answer is that we do not definitively know that they are then we all have a right to ask the the tough questions, to engage in the discussion, to advocate for change, to push our legislators, our lawmakers, our leaders to push for a food supply that IS safe, that has the health of its consumers at the centre of the wheel.

I have become so consumed with the topic of food, and as you know from my previous posts have really committed to as much as possible following as healthy a diet and lifestyle, that I just signed a petition -- Bring Mandatory GMO Labeling To Canada.  I would encourage all who read this to join me to advocate for openness and transparency for food labelling in Canada - to allow us consumers to know if our food that we are purchasing is genetically modified or contains GMOs - and to allow us to make an informed choice. Click the link to find out more and to sign the petition advocating for GMO labelling.

http://www.avaaz.org/en/petition/Bring_Mandatory_GMO_Labeling_To_Canada/?kgxwleb 

Thanks for reading.  Posted with love.

3B or not 3B..that is the question

It has been almost a month since my last update or blog post.  Wow. Life with a newborn has certainly found me with limited time to blog.  Or maybe (and quite frankly) I have mentally taken a bit of a break recently from focusing on my cancer...or at least I have tried to focus on other things a little more life affirming.  


Last weekend we celebrated my parents' 50th wedding anniversary!!! Now THAT is what I call "more life affirming".  Happy Anniversary M & D!!! I find myself at a loss for words (yes - it happens even to me ;-)) when I think about my mother and father and their commitment to each other...the absolute dedication to working hard on their relationship, to working on themselves as individuals, to being present...I am filled with a sense of awe, admiration and determination of my own to learn from them...to bring that same commitment to my relationship with Victoria and to my son, Ben.  I owe it to them to be there, to be present, to be committed and thinking of our life in those terms - long term.  

It has also been soooooo life affirming watching young Benjamin every minute, hour, day, week grow and become more and more of his own unique young self.  In the past week or two it is almost like a switch has been flipped where he sleeps almost through the night, he seems to be enjoying being awake and being active during the day now...he loves grabbing and swatting his friends on the playpad....so much so that he expends a lot of energy to the point of exhaustion....

Benjamin or "Superboy" as I call him gives me all the reason I need to stay focused on being healthy, to doing everything in my power to beat this thing.  Today is his 3 month birthday....happy birthday, my son.  Thank you for using your super powers to help Dad.

This week I went in to St. Joe's for my regular monthly port flush.  I also have pushed to have bloodwork drawn to analyze my Vitamin B12 and folic acid levels to determine if the chemo treatments have caused a condition, pernicious anemia.  I will find out this week if those powerful drugs have created deficiencies in my ability to process and absorb B12. I continue to experience symptoms - neuropathy / nerve damage in extremities, nerve pulsation in the hands and feet, unsteadiness and lack of balance - which could be a result of the chemo drugs, particularly Oxaliplatin, and could have resulted in these long lasting effects.  I was triggered to investigate this possibility from my cousin, Carolyn, who suggested her son, Alex, requires B12 injections to manage his neuropathy.  We shall see.  

Returning to the Oncology clinic and the treatment room this past week really triggered some pretty tough emotions and brought back some tough tough memories.  Some of the same patients were there this week as were there when I was going through treatment.  It's tough. That's all I can say.  Hard to find the life affirming moments.

Looking ahead...

Although I have been so focused on the here and now there are some pretty significant dates and anniversaries in my near or not-too-distant future.

March 8:  Colonoscopy.  Almost one year to the date of my original scope.  1 year surveillance post sigmoid resection surgery.  

March 13:  One year anniversary of initial diagnosis or discovery of the "large growth" that changed my life in an instant.

March 16:  One year anniversary of admission to the hospital and my first ever CT scan.  Who knew that it would the first of many scans in my future.

March 17: 1 year anniversary of surgery when they removed 13cm of sigmoid and 17 lymph nodes.

March 25: 1 yr to the date when I was given the news of the pathology report - Stage 3B Colon Cancer with regional spread of the cancer beyond the colon wall with 2 of the 17 nodes being cancerous.

March 27:  CT Scan.  1 year post-surgery surveillance and monitoring of the pelvic / abdominal and thoracic areas and observation of the status of the lesions on my liver and lungs first spotted in CT Scan dated March 16 a year ago.

March 27: CEA test.  Tracking and measuring those cancer markers.

April 1:  Meet with my surgeon, Dr. Hart to discuss the colonoscopy and CT scan.

April 4: Meet with my oncologist, Dr. Lingas to discuss the colonoscopy and CT scan.

Such is the life of someone with Stage IIIB Colon Cancer. 3B.

Advanced disease with regional spread beyond the colon walls to regional lymph nodes.  

Rigorous surveillance to determine if there is any recurrence or spread.

Constant anxiety and prayer that the FOLFOX adjuvant therapy killed all those friggin' cancer cells that managed to survive the surgery.

I don't know why but I am reminded of this passage from Shakespeare's Hamlet.  I took some liberties with the beginning of the passage, obviously, to suit my own but the meaning is....well...maybe I'll leave that one for others to ponder...

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

Somewhere over the rainbow...aka kicking butt with food and supplements II

Wow...what a response I got from this post about my diet and supplement strategy...some of you have even been so kind as to send me links to websites for other alternative therapies, suggestions for adding to my regimen (thanks, Meag! - keep 'em coming!!!!!).  Please know that I appreciate every suggestion and link and forwarded message even if I don't incorporate the suggest therapy myself or even challenge it.  I am an information junkie these days.  I research and surf the web whenever someone points me to information or an article or a paper or a blog or an opinion to support my battle with cancer.  I strongly believe that I have to be my strongest advocate and knowledge is power.

I don't agree with everything I read. If I did I would stick to an all-asparagus diet since apparently it cures cancer.  But the pharma companies, the government and the doctors don't want us to know this as it wouldn't be good for business, right?.  It is hard to convey sarcasm in written text but it is there.  I don't mean any disrespect to those cancer battlers who put faith in these alternative therapies and believe that they have produced positive results...after all, the most important thing of all is what you believe in.  If you believe it to be true it is your reality, your truth.  So although I read everything with a grain of salt I do glean my own truth and create my own unique and personal "battle plan".  I consult with my Oncologist and my Naturopath and I defer to their respective expertise.  We are a team.  We are all working in my best interest to kick the crap out of my cancer.  But I do not hesitate to bring something to them for discussion - especially if I believe that there is enough "truth" to be discussed.  

Anyway....I am ranting again as I am apt to do...I really just wanted to continue my previous post which outlined my diet since I left out some things....

Somewhere over the Rainbow

I believe in the "Rainbow Diet" or at least a Dave Brown version of it.  From Livestrong.com, the Rainbow Diet is named for its inclusion of a variety of foods that have wide-ranging colors. In particular, fruits and vegetables rich in deep hues, such as reds, yellows, oranges, purples and greens should form the foundation of a healthy diet. In addition to being low-calorie, a source of dietary fiber and all-natural, fresh produce is a source of essential nutrients, vitamins and minerals needed for normal body functions and a healthy immune system. Furthermore, fruits and vegetables are high in antioxidants, which help protect against diseases and certain cancers. Include a rainbow of colored vegetables in your diet plan, such as red apples, strawberries and red bell peppers; dark, leafy greens; blueberries and onions; squashes and citrus fruits

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/500179-rainbow-diet-plan/#ixzz2IxbwYRNb

 So...let me list those fruits and vegetables from the "Rainbow" that I have incorporated into my diet and consume regularly:

Reds: peppers, strawberries, apples, tomatoes, raspberries
Orange: peppers, carrots
Yellow: peppers, lemons, bananas, onions
Green: peppers, apples, kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts, spinach, swiss chard, cucumbers, asparagus, avacadoes, green matcha tea powder, green tea, wheatgrass powder
Purple/black: blackberries, beets
Blue: Blueberries

Legumes and pulses, nuts and seeds

You remember the old rhyme from your childhood?

Beans, beans, they're good for your heart
the more you eat the more you fart
the more you fart the better you feel
beans, beans for every meal.

Well...Victoria may disapprove of the results of a high fibre / legume rich diet but I make it a point to add legumes and pulses to my diet and try to consume at least two or three helpings a week.  I add chick peas and lentils to my quinoa salads and I use red kidney beans and chick peas in my chili.  Legumes are a great source of protein and fibre which is important for my anti-cancer diet and contain lots of great vitamins and minerals such as the B Vitamins and folate and are rich in anti-oxidants.

I also eat almonds and pumpkin seeds regularly - rich in good fat and high in nutrients such as iron.

Fats and Oils

I really only use a couple of oils for either cooking or using as a dressing in salads - either extra virgin olive oil or unrefined sesame oil (for Asian cooking).   Check out this article that espouses the benefits of olive oil and you will see why I favour it so http://www.wellsphere.com/healthy-eating-article/defending-olive-oil-8217-s-reputation/1389200

Occasionally I will use coconut oil for cooking eggs and daily I consume 2 tablespoons of organic virgin coconut oil straight up.  I also have no issue with using organic unsalted butter for cooking.  Avacadoes are also in.  Organic cold-pressed flax oil is also in.   Bring on the mono and poly unsaturated fats!!!

Plants oils such as vegetable, corn, safflower, canola are all OUT.
Soybean oil is OUT.
Margarine even if it is Becel or Celeb is OUT.



But before you go on thinking that I have a completely strict and pure diet I also believe in indulging and rewarding myself with a cheat meal or treat every now and then...McD's chicken McNuggets are my weakness...shhhhh....don't tell my Naturopath.