Still Kickin' it

Hello again to all who stop and read...thought I would give an update on the upcoming Bum Run with funds raised going towards colon cancer education, screening efforts and patient advocacy.  It is just under 3 weeks to go before the 2nd Annual Bum Run Sunday August 25th, and the Crew is at 75% of our fundraising goal and I am at an amazing 86% of my personal goal for this so very personal event.   



For that I wish to give everyone who has sponsored me (or a member of the Crew) a huge shout out of thanks.  I continue to be humbled, overwhelmed and inspired by all the messages of support and by the sponsors for the Bum Run. 

THANK YOU!!!

I don't want to turn this blog into a plug or appeal for sponsors but with everything I have endured this past year in this battle with cancer, watching friends and loved ones lose their battle with this brutal illness, I have come to the perspective that I will do everything I can to support the cause in the fight against (colon) cancer whether it be taking care of my own health or supporting the Canadian Cancer Society as a patient ambassador.  

So for those that wish to sponsor me or a member of the Crew and help me beat our fundraising goals, please click the link http://my.myccc.ca/Kickingthecrapcrew?SID=3805246&LangPref=en-CA

I appreciate that charity is a very personal choice.  If you choose to sponsor me or a member of the KTCC in the 2013 Bum Run for colon cancer Thank You! Perhaps more importantly thank you for being an honourary member of the Kicking the Crap Crew!!

This past weekend at the family cottage I even ran - twice - for the first time since before the surgery and chemotherapy.  The runs were only about 2km ea. and I guess I shouldn't be shocked at how completely out of shape I am now...after all...the surgery, chemo, Neupogen injections, all took a heavy heavy toll on my body.  But it felt sooooooooo good to put the ol' running shoes on, turn up the volume on my iPod and lose myself in the same mix I had setup for the half marathon I ran three years ago.  I haven't been formally training for this event but have been kept busy by a very active eight-month old boy - my son Benjamin.  He keeps me inspired to battle this brutal illness and along with my rock of a wife, Victoria, also keeps me focused on what is really important in life.  And quite honestly I am inspired (and want to give a shout out) to my sister, Jodie who is training for a half marathon - after giving birth to three (beautiful) girls and the toll it took on her body.  Hell when I watch her get up at the cottage where she is supposed to be enjoying her holidays and relaxing in the serenity of life up north and before having breakfast go out and run for 16km I figure I can do a measly two ;-)  Way to go, Jod.  You continue to make me shake my head in awe.

When I reflect personally on last year at this time while in chemotherapy treatment I remember barely having the physical stamina to walk the 5k much less run it - this year I am feeling so much stronger...I may even beat my last-place finish from last year ;-)    

Wishing you all good health.

Kicking it old school...

This post is a shout out...to you...my supporters...my inner circle...and honourary members of the Kicking the Crap Crew.  Once again this year I have entered a team, The Kicking the Crap Crew, in the 2nd Annual Bum Run to raise funds for Colon Cancer Canada....a cause that is obviously very close to my heart and my butt.   So once again I lovingly appeal to you to get off your butts and support me or a member of the Crew in the Bum Run...

http://my.myccc.ca/Kickingthecrapcrew?SID=3805246&LangPref=en-CA

If you are reading my blog and this post you know about my journey. After diagnosis with Stage III colon cancer last March 2012, I underwent urgent resection surgery and then began a 12-cycle course of chemotherapy over the next seven months. For the past year, I have been a colon cancer patient, battler, blogger, and vocal patient advocate. I began blogging (davidbenjaminbrown.blogspot.ca) shortly after diagnosis and have shared my experience of life with colon cancer. Frankly as I look back over the past year it is overwhelming.

And that is why I am running (ok maybe walking briskly) in the Bum Run to help raise awareness of colorectal cancer and to stress the importance of screening and prevention. It doesn’t get much more personal than this. I also am walking for Barb - a friend, former colleague and fellow battler who recently succumbed in the fight against a rare GI cancer.  Barb inspired me in life with her strength and courage and continues to inspire me now.  I also walk for all those battlers present and who have passed but are present in spirit. The world and I have lost fellow battlers along the way...but I know their spirit lives on and inspires me to keep fighting the fight.

When I reflect on my journey a year ago I think about being in treatment last year at this time, about barely having the energy (much less the hair) to walk much less run in the event.  But what an emotional day - I blogged about it so I won't repeat myself...but a year later things are very different - so much has happened in my life - so much to fight for, to stay strong and battle, to be as positive as I can possibly be. 

I would graciously welcome any support of me or a member of the Crew by making a secure online donation clicking the link http://my.myccc.ca/Kickingthecrapcrew?SID=3805246&LangPref=en-CA

This year I am determined to lead the Kicking the Crap Crew to be highest fundraising team total in the event.  I appreciate that charity and donations are a very personal choice.  If you choose to sponsor me in the 2013 Bum Run for colon cancer Thank You.  Perhaps more importantly thank you for being an honorary member of the Kicking the Crap Crew!!

David

To Barb...Hello Darlin'

On June 13, 2013 Barb James (aka Barbie to many, BJ to me) lost her battle with small bowel cancer and on June 21 back in her hometown of Saskatoon she was memorialized by family and friends.
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/thestarphoenix/obituary.aspx?n=barbara-james&pid=165411904&fhid=6664


When I first heard of Barb's passing (on Facebook of all places) I was overwhelmed with grief...sadness...and fear...and despair.  I remember thinking to myself as I logged on to Facebook that Saturday that I hadn't seen Barb post for awhile...remembered her last post in early May where she shouted out to her industry colleagues at Bayer for help to get access to a possible treatment to hopefully extend her life...but nothing since then.  I had read in Barb's recent posts the extreme despair - you could hear it in her "voice".  But Barb always tempered her posts with  absolute strength and courage in the face of it all...and maintained her sense of humour in spite of it. How the hell she did that I will never know...but damn if she didn't show everyone how to face such brutal adversity with strength and courage. In my mind her blog has always been so fittingly titled Bring It On&nbsp http://www.barb-james.blogspot.ca/ .  I continue to this day be in awe.

Those of you reading this post and who have followed my own journey may have seen my references to Barb throughout.  In fact, I give a huge shout out to BJ in my bio...she inspired me to share my own very personal journey in such a public way and to BE exactly how I want to BE...whether that is scared as shit, sad, furious, sick, overjoyed, happy, **INSERT STATE OF BEING HERE**...it doesn't matter.  Seeing Barb's journey taught me as a battler of cancer that it is perfectly OK to BE in ANY state of being.  That in expressing raw, authentic, genuine, deep-felt emotions about having to be on this f$%^ing journey that it's ok to feel weak, to feel despair, to feel the most intense sense of anger and woe that you just want to shout "WHY ME?!!!! WHY THE F#$% ME?!!!  THIS ISN'T FAIR  THIS IS NOT F@#$ING FAIR!!!!!!".  And that's OK too. But Barb's passing also strikes at the very heart of my deepest darkest fears for my own personal journey...and I just cannot go there.  I cannot.  Barb showed me that sharing the journey with all it's highs and terrifying lows (many times the lows overwhelm any highs) inspires others...makes us stronger and better for it....serves as our own personal therapy.

Barb inspired me in her life and continues to inspire me as one of God's angels.

It is easy to see that Barb had such a positive impact on sooooo many people's lives.

Rest in eternal peace, Barb.  No more battling for you, no more sickness, no more pain.

Those of us you leave behind here will fight the fight in your memory, BJ.  You may be small in stature but your spirit leaves a heavy footprint.

An Aspirin a day keeps the colon cancer away

Folks it's been a few weeks since my last post and I thought I would just check in, submit a posting to let all of you know that I am still fighting the good fight, and give an update on my status.

I continue to adhere to a pretty clean diet - not perfect...but really trying to keep as balanced and healthy as I can while not completely sacrificing enjoyment out of life...and food.  Since my one-year post diagnosis surveillance tests last month and my meetings with my medical team - my GI, my Surgeon, my Oncologist - I have tried to lighten up just a little bit and enjoy the occasional indulgence...potato chips at the cottage, red wine wherever.  I still remember the words of my Surgeon at our last meeting.."have a steak and a beer".  After all, "if having the occasional steak and beer was to cause a recurrence of my cancer then we all have bigger fish to fry".  Essentially I was being told to live a little, that while a healthy diet and lifestyle are important for overall health it is important to not become so restrictive with the thoughts that my cancer can be defeated or kept at bay by what foods I ingest or a specific supplement I am taking.  Easier said than done I can tell you but with my specialists encouraging me to relax a bit and enjoy life's indulgences it has helped me to stop and focus on achieving overall balance and nutrition and not obsess.

I continue to take the supplements I have written about previously as part of a daily regimen...ritual if you will.  My daily ritual includes lemon water with Vitamin D, a probiotic, Vitamin C powder, Greens and Reds powder, with Curcumin (1000mg X 4 times a day).  I consume a tablespoon of Coconut oil twice daily.

But I have added daily aspirin therapy (2 X 325mg) along with a proton-pump inhibitor (PPI) to minimize the gastric injury from the use of the aspirin.  Aspirin you may be asking?  You may have heard about its use for heart benefits particularly for those at increased risk to cardiac events but for cancer prevention / recurrence mitigation?  Really?

Actually there is some building evidence that suggests that daily aspirin may reduce the risk of recurrence of colon cancer for those at medium to high risk of recurrence - and that's me.  The evidence isn't entirely convincing and no conclusive (Phase III) trial, (randomized, double-blind, placebo controlled and all that jargon) has concluded that there is statistically significant evidence that daily aspirin reduces risk of recurrence.  And if so at what dose?  And for all tumour types or only those with specific tumour/gene types?  Daily or every other day?  And how would we determine that indeed it was the aspirin therapy that was to "blame" for the reduction in recurrence of colorectal?

Just a simple Google search for aspirin and colon cancer recurrence returns a plethora of results that suggest that there may be something beneficial here...

http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials/results/summary/2002/aspirin0402
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120409164525.htm
http://www.rxpgnews.com/coloncancer/Aspirin_May_Reduce_Risk_of_Colon_Cancer_Recurrence_1480_1480.shtml
http://www.docguide.com/aspirin-may-prevent-colon-cancer-recurrence-presented-asco
http://www.medpagetoday.com/Gastroenterology/ColonCancer/15480

Readers may recall that as recently as last year the media picked up on some promising research that suggested an aspirin a day could help prevent cancer making its way into the pages of the New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/21/health/research/studies-link-aspirin-daily-use-to-reduced-cancer-risk.html?_r=0





I was in treatment when I heard of this "news" and immediately discussed with my Oncologist and medical team in the Clinic.  At that time we decided to defer until  some time after chemotherapy, to allow my body to recover from the drug therapy, to return to somewhat "normal", to have my GI system heal.  But with the passing of these months since the end of chemo and the distressing news of fellow colon cancer battlers who have not had the same positive news after surveillance tests as I had received, I returned to my mantra - that I would do whatever it takes to improve my prognosis, to increase my odds of survival...even if by just a few %.  During my meeting with my Oncologist I pushed for initiating the aspirin therapy.  And f$%^ the risk of gastric injury!!! - I will mitigate it as much as I can with the PPI and the healthy diet and probiotics...When faced with a decision between possible lower risk of cancer recurrence vs. increased risk of gastric bleeding / injury - it's not much  of a decision actually.  To steal the battle cry from a good friend and fellow battler Barb - Bring it on!!!

Quite frankly...although there is no convincing evidence...no one Trial or Study that we can point to that proves that aspirin is proven to significantly reduce the risk for recurrence of colon cancer, if it possibly could offer benefit, if it could reduce the risk of recurrence, if it does reduce the risk of metastases, if it could possibly help me KICK the CRAP out of COLON CANCER then I gladly add it to my regimen.

So the daily ritual now includes two aspirin.  And heck...I am reducing my risk of heart attack at the same time.

 

Victoria

One year ago today Victoria did me the absolutely amazingly wonderful honour of being my wife.

What a year it has been so full of dizzying highs, terrible lows, butterflies in the stomach from the excitement of love, and distress in the stomach from treatment, tears of sorrow, and tears of joy.  Through all the ups and downs, the hills and valleys of this past year there has been one thing that has been unwavering and consistent on this continuum of life...and that is that regardless of how unstable I have been...whenever I found myself beginning to wallow in the despair of it all...when my faith was shaken....

Victoria propped me up, brought me balance, sanity, peace, laughter and always love....always with a smile...

Words on a blog cannot express how lucky I feel to have met this wonderful amazing woman...I continue to be a little in awe of her...

Thank you, Victoria for being you.
Thank you for loving me.  
Thank you for marrying me.

Happy 1st Anniversary Victoria.

And hey....even the Kinks think Victoria is pretty darn special...

Lyrics | Kinks lyrics - Victoria lyrics

A tribute to Paul

This blog post is (believe it or not) one of the toughest ones I have written for all of the emotions that has me up at 3 am to express them.  Ironically it is also one of the easiest as the words are flowing fast and furious.   Perhaps it is because I was so shaken to hear earlier this week of the passing of Paul Rutulis to multiple myeloma at the age of 52.  Perhaps it is because he leaves behind a wife, Cara, and two sons, Troy and Marco, and a wonderful circle of loving family and friends.  Perhaps it is because I know Paul and his family and have shared a laugh or two with them over the years...not as many in the recent years as we both have battled that awful brutal disease - cancer. Perhaps because I feel that cancer battlers belong to one large community of intimate strangers (if that makes any sense), with shared experiences, shared fears, shared memories and sub-consciously always considered Paul and I to be informally "in the club".  Perhaps it is because I am wracked with so many different emotions at hearing the news of Paul's passing - from profound sadness and grief...to shock, anger and despair.  Perhaps it is because I almost have a feeling of guilt that in my own personal battle with cancer I recently received some positive news from my doctors just last week that after one year...one long brutal year...I am cancer free...while Paul unfortunately succumbed in his battle.

But I check myself at feeling guilty for being healthy enough today to write this post in memory of, in tribute to and in honour of Paul.  You see I can express through my post words and feelings that are perhaps shared by Paul's family and friends.   I won't be so arrogant as to for one second pretend that I know how his loving wife and adoring sons must be feeling.  I won't be so arrogant as to for one second pretend that I know how his family circle, his extended family, his circle of friends is feeling.  What I do know is this.  I know how I am feeling.   I am stunned.  I am so deeply saddened that the second I read the message from my friend (and Paul's brother-in-law) about his passing that I shouted inexplicably to my wife that "Paul has died" and immediately began to lose it, to be gripped with despair, to cry for him, for Cara, for the boys, for his family. I know Paul was gravely ill but I wasn't aware that the battle with mm had advanced to that stage.  Craig subsequently shared with me that his passing this week was sudden and followed the latest prognosis from his medical team just a week or so ago suggesting he had perhaps 8 to 12 months left.  And then I got in touch with some really dark stuff - my own darkest fears in my own journey.  I am angry that cancer has taken another life way too early.  I am so deeply pained that his boys have lost their father at such an early age with so many memories that will never be realized.  Perhaps I am getting into touch with my deep fear for my own wife and young son.

I honestly don't know Paul that intimately or well.  My connection to him and to Cara and the boys is through Cara's sister, Erica, and her husband and one of my oldest dearest friends Craig.  I have known Paul and his family for almost 10 years, been a part of a few birthday celebrations and dinners.  I have always known Paul to be on the quieter side...more reserved...but perhaps that is simply because in the context of the gatherings with myself, Erica, Cara, Craig and others he was simply the quietest by comparison.  I may not know Paul well enough to recount stories and intimate memories of times past.  I could never write in memoriam for Paul outside of this blog.  But I hope that all of you who read this post join me in putting Cara and the boys, along with Paul's family and friends in your hearts and pray that they find comfort and peace in the days ahead amidst all the pain and grief.

http://www.lifenews.ca/announcement/2524043-rutulis-paul-mark

http://mountpleasantgroup.permavita.com/siteContent/memorial.html?personId=236102&source=redirect


Damn you cancer.  Damn you for taking another life way too early.  Damn you for leaving nothing but pain and suffering behind.

God bless you, Paul.

And Round Two goes to....

Thursday April 4.  A big day.  A day that I have been thinking about for the weeks (if not months) since the appointments were scheduled.  A day that I have been not only just thinking about but worrying about...agonizing waiting.  You see April 4 is the day that I met with both my Surgeon, Dr. Hart, and my Oncologist, Dr. Lingas, to go over the results of my one-year surveillance tests - colonoscopy, CEA blood test, and CT scan.  

If you remember from previous posts, the gastro who had both originally found the tumour last March and performed the one-year post diagnosis colonoscopy had found two polyps a few weeks ago.  Sure, he suggested that they appeared to be benign and that the rest of my colon looked good but I was still worried.  But even more than the colonoscopy, the CT scan was worrying the sh#$ out of me (trust me - no pun intended).  Remember back in September the CT scan was monitoring lesions in my lungs and a spot on my liver.  Back then the words "no convincing evidence of metastasis" caused a sigh of relief then...but it's always a temporary relief.  The fact that they found spots of concern in my lungs and on my liver in March that they were monitoring in September was a source of worry.  I didn't know I had these lesions that they are surveilling.

I don't know if I will ever...even months, years, decades from now...stop worrying.  I would imagine that worry is now on a continuum for me...some days more intense...some days perhaps not...but always somewhere in the subconscious there.  Stage IIIB - invasion of the tumour beyond the colon walls into the regional lymph nodes.  How can I not worry?!  Sure the polyps might look benign...but I need to know conclusively, definitively, that they are benign, that they are non-cancerous, that they are nothing for me to add to my list of things to worry about where my cancer is concerned. 

And the good news...no great news is that I got the ALL CLEAR from both doctors.  

I) CEA levels normal

II) polyps removed last month were benign - hyperplastic polyps that would not develop into cancer

iii) CT scan showed lesions in lungs and liver are unchanged.   As it turns out this is actually better news that if they had shown that these lesions had decreased in size.  Why? This would suggest that they were more than simply benign lesions and that they had reacted to the chemotherapy...not good.

iv) Dr. Hart supports Dr. Springer's suggestion that I need not be scoped again for two years.

So the reality of this news sunk into Victoria and I later in the day on Thursday.  If you think about it, I don't think that the news could have been any more positive than it was.

Next surveillance is CEA in 3 months, CT in 6 months.

But for now....it's time to relax a bit and LIVE A LITTLE!!!  Or as one of my dear friends suggested  LIVE A LOT!!!

So at the end of Round Two the judges scorecard reads Brown 2 / Colon Cancer 0.  I am sitting in my corner with the towel wrapped around my neck.  My coaching staff is wiping the sweat off my brow and I am spitting vigorously into a bucket - after all, kicking the crap out of colon cancer is hard work. 

Insert soundtrack to Rocky here.