Reflections on Turning 43

Today is my birthday.  You see, 43 years ago today my mother, Jean, laboured for just a few short hours before I made an appearance...all purple from having the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck (which my sibs might suggest explains some things about how I am today)...but still ready to face the world and all it has to offer.   I was pretty happy as a little guy...not a care in the world.

And life was good...sure I enjoyed myself...indulged even you might say...

There were plenty of thrills...

Lots of laughs...

Good times with good friends...

 Bad Movember staches...

And moments of quiet reflection...

And just when I thought my life was getting a little dull I met this woman...

And after a short while I knew I had found a partner for life...we fell in love...and we became engaged to be married...

And our life together has certainly been eventful...full of ups, downs, thrills, dizzying highs and crushing lows...a roller coaster of emotions if you will...

And then came the fateful day March 13 2012, 5 weeks before we were to be wed, when we received the awful news after a colonoscopy that would change our lives forever.  "You have a growth...a medium to large growth".  "You have cancer".  "You need surgery".  But "you shouldn't have to carry a bag"  (a colostomy bag).  I still can vividly remember the screams, the tears, the shouts of disbelief, the fear as both Victoria and I as processed these words.

From that day forward soooooooo much has happened that it has all become blurred into one experience...Admission to hospital and my first round of what would be numerous tests including my first CT scan,ultrasounds, chest x-rays, surgery, the scare in-hospital, the terrible day when the Oncologist confirmed our worst fears, the exquisite joy to hear that we were pregnant and expecting in November, my recovery from surgery at home, our wedding...

our mini-honeymoon just before the treatments...

the first meeting with Dr. Lingas and the Oncology team to discuss the full treatment approach, the pathology report for my cancer and the statistics for recurrence and mortality to validate treatment options, the 7 months and 12 cycles of chemotherapy infusions, the PICC line implant then removal, the Port-a-catheter implantation, the home nursing care...

the meetings with the Naturopath, the diet changes...

the CEA test in August, the CT scan in September...the bottoming out of my immune system and my platelets to require Neupogen injections...

the side effects...the hair loss, the neuropathy, the nausea, the mucositis, the fatigue, the puffy face, the loss of appetite, the loss of taste, the extreme sensitivity to cold, the nerve damage in my fingers and toes, the complete mess of my hands and fingernails, the lack of fine motor skills, the constant "I feel like complete shit today"

the excitement of Victoria's pregnancy and planning for our baby's arrival...

the feelings of overwhelm...of bravery...of despair...of determination...of fear.

And then the relief and joy at completing the chemotherapy treatments just a couple short weeks prior to the most amazing life changing event of my life...so much more life affirming than the events of March earlier this year...the birth of my son, Benjamin and all that he brings to my life..

And as I reflect on what my life was life exactly one year ago today...

And stop and pause and reflect on all that I have experienced as a 42 year old man experiencing what life offers...and wonder what my 43rd year will bring...

This past year has definitely tested my faith.

But...for all who Read this...hear this...let me be clear...

I know that the battle isn't over.

But, I will continue to kick the crap out of colon cancer.

I will fight...and will celebrate each round's victory...

And when the battle is won and I have the cancer pinned on the mat and ready to submit...I will demand a 5-count (instead of the standard 3).