All by myself...don't wanna be...all by myself

To appreciate the title of this posting you will need to picture Eric Carmen sitting at a piano singing his mournful song "All By Myself"...and then imagine me sitting in a recliner at the Oncology Clinic at St. Joe's with tubes sticking out of the port in my chest all by myself...all alone other than the nurses and fellow patients of the clinic. With Victoria back at work and my treatments moved to Mondays I ended up driving myself in to treatment today...and never again. Maybe it is the drugs, maybe it is the sight of some of my fellow patients...maybe I am just tired today...sick and tired of being sick and tired....who knows....but for some reason I am feeling a little emotional today...sad...lonely. But then I think "Hey! You have made it to treatment 9!!! 3/4 of the way there!!!" and I feel so much more positive.

And today the news is all good. My bloodwork came back with my neutrophils back up to 2.02 and my platelets are up over 90 so that is good news. My Onc has written another Rx for Neupogen - 5 injections starting this Thursday....so that is good news for Victoria since she will be able to "stick it to me again" :-)

I talked to my Onc about the severe bone pain I experienced last weekend and she reassured me that it was related to the Neupogen injections and NOT the cancer. And for someone battling cancer it was very easy for me to worry immediately that the pain I felt in my spine, my lower back, my neck, my hips and my skull was indicative of a spread of cancer to my spine, my hips, my neck and my skull. So for this round she recommends that I take Tylenol or Percocet if needed before my injections to combat the pain.

And today I decided to source some Emla cream to numb the port and negate any pain from my nurses drawing blood or hooking up my IV. THANKS, Barb!!! You rock. Boy what a difference that makes. I figure I have endured enough pain in the past six months so if I can numb the pain for the remaining four treatments and further blood tests then let's numb the pain!!!

My next treatment and hospital visit will follow a CAT scan to surveil my organs and system for any signs of cancer. Two weeks. Two weeks. My anxiety is already high. I will plan to mentally focus on positive things over the next two weeks like our baby that is growing so quickly now in Victoria's belly...maybe I will go to the cottage by myself for a couple of days of serenity...maybe I will book a deep tissue massage before the 24th to release any anxiety that I carry.

Until then let's keep doing what we are doing. It is all part if the treatment plan...the battle...to kick the crap out of this f^**ing cancer.

Until next post...take care all. Thank you for stopping by and "listening" to me.